@grim_elsewhere i’ve acquired my online friends by seeming chance; it’s not something i ever set out to do. i’m a terribly connective person, and i think that helps somehow? (i do mean ‘terribly’ in its positive sense *and* negative sense…my enthusiasm for connecting with people sometimes repels folks) i think the ability to cultivate close friendships online probably has to do with a mixture of the following: • how transparent i am about my thoughts and feelings • how well i listen to someone else being transparent about theirs • how interesting the other person is to me • how interesting i am to the other person • and probably even a small amount of Magical Thinking (i.e. believing i know someone better than i actually do and vice versa) i think transparency and authenticity are likely the major keys. compassion and caring and empathy are solid factors, too. i definitely feel most drawn to people who are honest but kind, who ask questions and show curiosity about others’ experience of being alive, and who demonstrate empathy in their responses to what others have to say. there are a few people i follow on fedi who are particularly good at these things and they are the ones to whom i feel closest.